Concealing The Inner Heart
by Demeter1
Summary: Sometimes, feelings that are reflected on an emotionless surface will simmer in ways unknown, beneath. FORMERLY 'Hidden Love'


Title: "Concealing The Inner Heart"  
Author: Demeter

Warnings: Heero with an OC character. R for sexual situations

Disclaimer: All rights and privileges to Shin Kidousenki Gundam Wing are trademarks and property of Sunrise, Bandai, Sotsu Agency, and associated parties. All characters belong to them, and all stories,relationships, ideas are fiction, in no way related to the original storyline. The story, the relationships and original characters within the fic are copyright of the author Demeter.   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
I am a prostitute by situation.  
  
I never even wanted to come near one during my days as a Lady.   
  
But now I am one and there's no escaping. I wish the pain that pierces my heart every now and then would just up and disappear and maybe, just maybe, I could still have a semblance of a normal life.  
  
Unfortunately, that's not possible anymore.   
  
He's here again.  
  
The dark-haired man with intense Prussian blue eyes.  
  
I turn to him and give a formal welcome, but as usual, he never acknowledges them; he snorts and then pulls out a wad of bills, peeling a few off and tosses them onto my vanity table. I stare at the green paper and as usual, the thought of refusing passes through my head, wanting desperately to say no, to not give my pride away again.  
  
And once again, I sigh and sweep the bills into my purse.  
  
I close my eyes and then walk to the bed, lying on the soft comforter, hoping that he will finish and leave soon. I feel the bed creak as he settles onto it. I tense, as is usual, before forcing myself to relax. He undresses me and I emotionlessly take off his clothes. We go through the motions of lovers and he climbs over me.  
  
And always, at this point, as he shuts his eyes and thrusts that hard part of him into me, he utters a name over and over, a mantra that seems to me to be a wall of protection for him. He seems to forget that I exist, that I am the one he's fucking at the current moment.

That I am the one with him during this soul-ripping act of "love".  
  
My skin grows slippery with sweat as I feel an orgasm build up, like an ugly lizard, poising to leap out any second.  
  
His hoarse voice calls for this person who is constantly on his mind, a third ghost who always seems to be present as he finds release. I always pray for him to climax as quickly as possible, as those words seem to drive me mad.  
  
He thrusts in me one last time, and he shudders before collapsing over me, his breathing labored. I feel the warmth that can come only from a man shift inside of me. I have long since passed caring at that feeling. I've felt it so many times... it almost seems normal now.  
  
I shut my eyes and wait for him to get off as he usually does.   
  
Only, this time, he doesn't.  
  
I open my eyes slowly, and I seehim shudder with suppressed tears. I feel numbness, a shock, as I see a man cry for the first time in my "second" life. I watch him, and then, slowly, my arms wrap themselves around him. He clutches me like a lifeline and for some unexplainable reason, I comfort him, soothing him softly as he sobs into my arms. Those cries are echoed with something unattainable, something he cannot reach, and I realize, that I am not the only one who hates their life.  
  
He is not as emotionless as he tries to pretend he is.

As his tears subside, I feel him grow stiff with repulsion.   
  
Not for me, but for himself. He pushes away from me and gets up quickly. I watch the taut muscles on his back jump and then give a silent sigh. I pull on a robe and tie it shut, never taking my eyes off him. He dresses silently,quickly and is about to leave, walking once more out of my life, when a strange ache comes alive within me.  
  
I look reflexively at my chest and I numbly wonder how feelings could still live in that black hole. I hear a voice inside of me speak softly, _"Stop him"_ I squeeze my eyes and called out in a tightly controlled voice, almost bordering on hysteria.  
  
"Heero!"  
  
He stopped, surprised that I said his name. He turns slightly in question, and I pause with sudden fear. I panic, not knowing what to say, even though I knew if I didn't say anything now, I would regret it for the rest of my life.   
  
I swallowed convulsively.   
  
"Tell her."  
  
I see his shoulders grow rigid.  
  
Desperate, I continue.  
  
"Tell her today."  
  
He does not turn, and I wonder if he even heard me.  
  
"Never. '  
  
I freeze, hearing words that sting me to the core. And he left, taking what little hope in the world I had left. I cried, as I never had since my parents died. I wondered then and there if I should die, in knowing there was nothing good in this damned world I called my home.   
  
It made me curse savagely at those who had created people like him and I. People who were victims and lost souls of the god-forsaken war that had consumed all our lives, our friends, our families. There was so much loss, so much that was hidden in the glitter of post-war. Everyone thought we could live happily with no war.   
  
Then why were there still prostitutes like myself, who have to sell their honor in order to survive? Why are there still soldiers like him who cannot forget the past? I knew nothing, nothing of what those politicians preach. They didn't help people like us.  
  
I knew that he would never come back here again.   
  
He would find another prostitute to fill his own hole where his heart used to be.   
  
I would just be another hazy memory in a sea of regret.  
  
And tears flowed not for me, but for the young woman named Relena who would never know the love that Heero Yuy held for her.

~*~Finis~*~


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